Conquering Life
by ohxasphyxiationx
Summary: Cloud had always expected to meet Zack again. He had never planned to meet like this, and he had never expected to have to make this choice.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters used in this story. They belong to Square Enix and all other respective owners. I make no profit from the publication of this story. The plot and situations however are mine, and redistribution or duplication without my consent is strictly prohibited.

**Author's Note:** I couldn't deal with the grief. And this idea was just like, tossing around in my brain while I tried to sleep last night, so I spent all of 6 hours of my day writing down this chapter so I could get everything down in it's original state. It might be rough, but I really like this idea and I think this is one of the most expressive, most well-written things I've produced in a long time. And my longest chapter of anything, EVER. I'm very proud. So, without further adieu, I hope you enjoy!

**Warnings: **Semi-explicit sexual content, THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS, mainly from Crisis Core. I don't think they're anything major and I'm not sure how often they might come up, you've been warned. This takes place five years after Zack's death, ten years after the beginning of events in Crisis Core, and roughly 2 years after Advent Children and 3 after Dirge of Cerberus, because I'm only estimating the the events in FFVII took about a year, since there's no exact time frame. If I'm wrong, feel free to correct me.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

The Lifestream was a strange place to be.

Upon arrival it was comforting. The separation of the spiritual from the physical provided relief. Pain left as quickly as it had come, a feeling of peace washing over. But just as quickly as it had provided comfort, fear followed. The fear was instantaneous, gripping, as the realization of the physical slipping away struck. From that moment on, one was nothing more than their soul, what seemed like a shadow of their former selves.

All that was needed to be human was there. The soul, the personality- both remained intact. And yet, if someone in the Lifestream could describe it, they wouldn't describe it as living. It was merely existing, and certainly not as a person. With the physical vessel stripped away, there was no need for senses. Touch didn't exist, sight and sound traveled through the air telepathically, the only means of communication. Minds did the sensing, and in some ways, they detected more than human senses would ever be able to.

Zack Fair had spent the last five years in the Lifestream. He wasn't sure when he had gotten used to it, perhaps he never had. But he had managed to accept it with mild tolerance. He tried his best to just stop thinking at some point, although he wasn't sure when, since there was no time in the Lifestream. He did his best to rest his mind, something comparative to sleep, if sleep were to exist here. It stopped the thoughts that tormented him, the memories that tore him apart.

But, in this one particular moment, Zack sensed something that he could not ignore.

It was an emotion, traveling in a current across empty space. Zack wasn't quite sure he knew where or who it was coming from, but he could feel it too. It was something like excitement, anxiousness, and he could sense change. If he could have, he would have smiled in nervousness.

"_Angeal? What's going on, man?"_

His mind conjured up an image of the older man, standing before him, wearing a knowing smile.

"_Talk to Aerith," _the older man shrugged, smiling all the while. "_She's always behind these things."_

He mentally nodded in a gesture of understanding and appreciation. Angeal gave him one last smile, waving his hand in dismissal before walking away.

"_Aerith?" _Zack inquired, waiting a moment until he thought she'd be able to hear his thoughts. "_Where are you?"_

"_Right here!" _He heard her voice chime, cheerful as ever. In his mind, her image appeared. She was kneeling amongst a field of flowers, as she usually was.

"_Tending to the flowers again?" _

Aerith stood from her kneeling position, dusting off the bottom of her pink dress. She turned around, looked at Zack with those beautiful green eyes and smiled.

"_Don't they look beautiful?"_

Aerith could see Zack with his arms folded behind his head, nodding slightly. Despite how sullen he had become recently, he was still the same old Zack.

"_Lifestream full of flowers, wallet full of money, huh?"_

Aerith's bright and cheery laughter entered his mind, and he felt happy. She smiled warmly at him, reaching for his hand. Zack wasn't at all surprised to find that he couldn't feel it. He had to wonder why Aerith had even bothered with the gesture. But he supposed, since she was different, she was able to feel him, somehow. Out of all the people he had encountered in the Lifestream, her image had always been the clearest, the most real. She was able to change the space around her, use the Lifestream's power in interesting ways. She had planted flowers in the Lifestream, for goodness sake, although Zack was still uncertain whether or not they existed or were just another image conjured by his mind.

"_I have news for you," _Aerith spoke excitedly, looking deep into his eyes.

"_So you're the reason for this change I'm feeling?" _She nodded, and an image of his closing his eyes and shaking his head in exasperation appeared in her mind. _"I should have known."_

She clasped her hands together behind her back, turning away from him.

"_Don't be mad. You'll like my surprise." _She spun back to face him, peering at him curiously. _"Are you mad?"_

"_No, I'm not mad."_

"_Do you know what my last words were?" _

Zack cringed, not sure he wanted to know. Even his last words filled him with anguish and despair. He had loved Aerith once; quite a lot actually. When she had first arrived in the Lifestream, Zack had been so pained to see her that if he had any tears to shed, he certainly would have been in hysterics. She had told him about her death, about who had caused it, and Zack could only blame himself for not killing Sephiroth that day, when he had the chance. For not being stronger.

"_I promised Cloud I'd return to him, once the battle against Sephiroth was over. Once the planet was safe."_

"_That's a silly thing to promise. No one goes back, Aerith."_

"_Well," _she began, traipsing around him in circles_. "I can't go back. The planet will never be safe. I need to stay here to take care of it."_

She saw Zack nod in understanding. He saw her grin deviously.

"_But, you can go back to Cloud, in my place."_

Zack's mind felt as though it were drowning in emotions, far too many for him to disentangle, but he could detect excitement, uncertainty, and love.

There was only one other person he had loved more than Aerith. That had been Cloud, the innocent country boy he had met ten years ago on that mountain. Cloud was the main reason Zack had shut down, decided to rest his mind as much as possible. He couldn't bear to think of Cloud anymore. After seeing Cloud so near death when he had appeared in the Lifestream after being shot by the Remnants, Zack couldn't bear to think of Cloud anymore. The danger that Cloud has been in, the pain that he saw in those once innocent blue eyes had been too much to bear. While most would have expected comfort in seeing someone they loved so much after such a long time, Zack had hoped he would never see Cloud again. At least, not for a very long time. And because of that, Zack had done his best to spend his time in the Lifestream without a thought, resting his mind and ignoring as much as he could of his surroundings. Thinking of Cloud hurt too much.

"_You're thinking about him," _Aerith smiled happily, clapping her hands together. "_I've finally figured out how to send people back. I've spent all my time up here trying."_

Zack searched her face, looking for any sign that she was joking, toying with his emotions. He found a serious, determined look on her face that scared him, only slightly.

"_You'll be of more use down there than up here. Cloud's been the Planet's hero for too long by himself. I think he needs a sidekick."_

"_A sidekick?!" _Aerith giggled at his appearance, eyes wide, his fists clenched tightly. "_Zack Fair is no sidekick. I'll just take Cloud's place. Be the Planet's new hero!"_

"_Sure," _she replied coyly with a smile.

"_Are you serious, Aerith? About me leaving?" _She gave a curt nod, no longer looking at him. "_When do I leave?"_

"_Soon,"_ she answered seriously, her expression full of determination. "_There are just a few things I have to do. Why don't you rest?"_

Zack gave her a nod, and began to turn away.

"_Zack?"_

He halted his motions, turning back.

"_I don't plan on seeing you again, after this. At least, not until you're an old man," _She smiled tenderly. "_I'll miss you. Be good, okay?"_

He was surprised to find there were tears in her eyes. He had never once seen the determined and strong-willed woman cry.

"_I'll be good," _Zack assured her, hugging her tightly_. "You know I love you, right?"_

She managed her way out of his embrace, bringing her fingertips up to wipe the tears from her face.

"_I know," _she said with a small smile. "_Now rest."_

She felt Zack's presence leave her, his thoughts moving to a place where she couldn't reach them anymore, and she knew that he had gone. She walked back to the field of flowers, kneeling along the edge, she sat on her knees.

"_What to do?"_ She voiced her thoughts into empty space as she tried to decide what to do. "_I can't just drop him right in front of Cloud. Then he'd end up in the Lifestream from a heart attack." _

Aerith sat for a few long moments, trying to decide what to do. She needed to bring Zack back to the Planet in a way that would make it easy for Cloud to find him. She knew that Zack would have to learn how to do everything over again, since he was essentially being reborn, so there was no way Zack would be able to make his way to Cloud. No, she needed to figure out a way to bring the two together without causing trauma on either part.

Aerith grinned in triumph when she had come up with an idea. She then sat silently and concentrated, doing her best to remember Zack as he was before he had passed on into the Lifestream. Once the image in her mind was clear, complete, she began to watch as his body materialized before her in the field of flowers.

She sat solemnly as the body continued to build itself. Once it was complete, she looked it over, bashfully avoid the private areas of his nude body. She nodded in contentment, and kneeled down close to it, pushing back the lock of hair that fell over his peaceful face. Her fingers traced the small scar on his forehead, where the bullet had entered. Such a gruesome death for such a wonderful man. It saddened her how cruel life could be, how cruel ShinRa had been, and why she had risked her own life to destroy it.

She moved away from the body, sitting back along the edges of the flowers and stared at them absently. Finally, she began the last of her work.

"_Forgive me Cloud."_

_**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**_

Cloud had been sleeping quite peacefully for some time when all of a sudden his sleep was invaded by dreams.

"_Cloud!" Zack shouted jovially, staring at him as he sat on a blanket spread across the sand. It was the vacation they had taken to Costa del Sol, a month after the 1__st__ Class SOLDIER had admitted to one very startled blonde that he had a thing for him. "Let's go for a swim!"_

_Cloud agreed reluctantly, standing up from his spot on the beach and letting an overexcited Zack drag him into the water. _

"_I… don't really know how to swim," Cloud admitted bashfully, a flush of pink rising to his cheeks._

"_No big deal!" Zack said enthusiastically. "I'll teach you!"_

_When they were waist deep in the water, Zack demonstrated a simple stroke. Cloud did his best to imitate it, doing well for a time, until he found himself in deeper waters. It was then that he began to panic, feeling himself sinking as he flailed madly in an attempt to keep himself afloat. Zack swam quickly, at his side in an instant, and wrapped his strong arms around Cloud._

"_Are you all right?" Zack inquired worriedly._

_Cloud nodded, turning bright red in the face at how close he was to Zack. Zack caught his embarrassment and smirked._

"_Was all of this just a trick to get close to me?" Cloud turned even brighter red and Zack couldn't help but let out a chuckle. "You know that all you have to do is ask, Chocobo."_

_Cloud was about to protest Zack's annoying nickname for him, but was easily silenced when he felt Zack's soft lips meet his own. The kiss was soft at first, tender and loving, but it didn't take long until the intensity of the kiss changed, growing more passionate and needy by the second. Zack pulled away, breaking the kiss._

"_Let's go," his voice was low and heavy with unspoken need._

_Zack grabbed him by the hand and they ran barefooted across the sand. Cloud couldn't help but smile and laugh as he was dragged along by a desperate Zack. It took what only seemed like seconds before they reached the cozy shack on the beach. They tumbled through the door, clumsily falling on the bed, their kissing more passionate and feverish than before._

"_Zack," his voice escaped him in a moan as he pleaded for more._

_Cloud's senses were overcome by pleasure as Zack entered him painlessly. Their lovemaking was frantic; passionate, wild, and uninhibited. Cloud met each of Zack's thrusts as their bodies moved together in perfect synch. Cloud felt blissful, perfect, and as he looked into Zack's shining eyes, he felt loved._

"_L-love you," Zack grunted out between thrusts, and those beautiful eyes of his bore into Cloud's, gleaming with sincerity._

"_Love you too," Cloud whispered almost breathlessly._

_It was only seconds later that they came together, reaching their climax with loud shouts of the other's name. Cloud's vision blurred with the intense pleasure, and he was gripping onto Zack tightly as though he would float away if he didn't. When Cloud could finally see clearly, the only thing he saw was Zack gazing at him tenderly, a goofy, lopsided grin on his face. Zack leaned in, placing a kiss on Cloud's nose._

_Cloud couldn't help but feel safe and secure in that warm embrace. But in an instant, everything began to change._

_The walls of the shack on the beach disappeared to reveal the canyon walls that had haunted Cloud's dreams for the last five years. A sea of ShinRa infantrymen stood behind them as they embraced, now fully clothed. Cloud's sharp intake of breath caused Zack to pull away in concern._

"_Cloud?" Zack's puzzled expression was too much for Cloud to bear._

"_Oh Gods, no…" Cloud spoke in dawning horror. The sound of the army behind them cocking their guns brought Cloud back to his senses. It was all he could do to scream in warning. "Zack!"_

_It was too late. Cloud's ears rang in pain as the bullets flew; piercing Zack more times than Cloud could count. Zack stumbled away, bleeding from innumerable holes. He was extremely hurt, and Cloud knew that there were enough bullet holes in enough vital places to kill him, even though he was SOLDIER 1__st__ Class. But that didn't seem to be enough for the army behind them that continued to pump bullets into Zack. It seemed almost endless, Zack's suffering._

_Finally, Zack's wounded body could withstand no more, and he fell away. As he fell backwards onto the harsh ground, he managed to extend his hand, pain and confusion in eyes that were losing their brightness._

"_Cloud?"_

_Cloud tried to move, tried to grab that hand and stop him from falling, but he was frozen, completely unable to move. He was just as useless now as he had been all those years ago. _

"_Zack!" He yelled his name as though it would stop everything, stop his descent to the ground, stop what he knew was going to happen next._

_It was futile, as Zack fell onto the hard ground with a loud thud, dust billowing up around him. Thunder cracked in the distance as the rain began to pour down on them. Cloud found himself looking down, watching the trail of Zack's crimson blood flowing until it pooled at his feet._

_Things were different this time. Cloud tried to move, tried to make his way to Zack's side to comfort him as death took him, but he found that he was still frozen in this spot._

"_Cloud?" Zack's weak voice called for him, and it sounded so far away. Cloud tried to lift his feet, to move just one inch, but he just couldn't. _

"_Zack!"_

"_Cloud!" Zack's voice held a tone of panic and fear that Cloud had never heard in his voice. Zack was fearless, and his voice never wavered, not until now. "Cloud! Don't leave me here! Please, help me! CLOUD!"_

Cloud shot up in bed, sweating profusely and his heart wrenching in pain and fear. He looked around the room, finding the walls of the canyon gone and instead replaced by the wooden walls of the 7th Heaven. The night was silent and still as the rest of Edge slept, untroubled.

Five years. It had been five years, and while the nightmares had never gone away, they had decreased in frequency and intensity. But this dream was unlike any he had ever had before. This one felt painfully real, and Zack's words continued to repeat themselves over and over in his mind.

"_Don't leave me here!" _

And yet, that was exactly what Cloud had done. He had gathered the little bit of strength he had and left Zack's body there, alone. He couldn't save Zack, couldn't protect Zack, and worst of all, he couldn't stay with him.

Cloud was surprised to find himself crying, and he began to feel angry. So many years, so much pain… why had all of this happened to _him?_ Zack's only dream had been to become a hero, and he had lost his life pursuing that dream; had died a hero. Now, as hero of the Planet, Cloud had lost so much. Were heroes meant to be punished? Meant to suffer in silence, alone?

Cloud's fists clenched, and he began to weep bitterly. His body was racked with sobs, painful and aching, as he did his best to be as quiet as possible so that he wouldn't wake Tifa and the kids.

It was then that Cloud decided that he needed to be alone. He reached into his closest, pulling out the SOLDIER uniform Zack had given him in his effort to save his life, and put it on. He grabbed the keys to Fenrir that sat on his bedside table and made his way out of the bar quietly, fortunate enough to not draw any attention to his escape. He climbed on his bike, already feeling comforted by the steady feel of it beneath him.

The night was cool and the wind blew pleasantly against his face as he rode away into the night, his destination the outskirts of Midgar.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

Aerith stood observing her work. The field of flowers that had grown on Zack's final resting place seemed like a comfortable enough place to leave his body while they both waited for Cloud to arrive. She watched Zack's steady breathing and smiled, satisfied. She had made Cloud's dream so intense and painful that she knew he'd end up heading for Zack's resting place. She sensed he was only a few minutes away, and would arrive soon.

"_I hurt me to bring him here, to join me," _Angeal's voice entered her mind, and she saw him striding toward her, looking down at Zack's form lying in the flowers.

"_I'm just glad you were here," _she admitted. "_At least he didn't come to the Lifestream alone."_

"_I suppose," _Angeal agreed, looking at the living Zack once more before turning away. "_Hopefully, I'll see him again, when he's an old man like me."_

Aerith smiled.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

Cloud parked Fenrir a few feet away from Zack's resting place, not wanting to disturb the peace and sanctity he always found there. The engine died with a low hum and the headlight went off, leaving Cloud in the darkness. He walked slowly, careful not to trip on anything in the dark, until he felt the squish of wet flowers beneath his boots.

"Zack, I…"

Cloud searched for words to try and describe how he was feeling. He missed him. He missed him so bad it _hurt._

He let his gaze fall to the floor as he racked his brain for what to say. He took a few steps more, and then the sight of pale skin fell into his line of sight.

Cloud stepped back in surprise, fright overtaking him for a moment until he assessed the situation. The person lying in the flowers wasn't moving, didn't pose a threat to him. He examined the body beneath him.

The skin was pale and soft. His breathing was even. He was nude, Cloud noticed with embarrassment. It seemed as though someone had simply passed out amongst the flowers in his beloved Zack's final resting place, and Cloud began to anger.

Then he saw a mess of black hair covering the man's peaceful face. Cloud didn't know what compelled him to kneel down and brush the hair from his face, but once he did, Cloud's face drained of all his color and for a few long moments, he couldn't speak.

Finally, realization dawned on his and he was able to utter one single word.

"Zack?"

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Dun dun dun. Reviews, please?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters used in this story. They belong to Square Enix and all other respective owners. I make no profit from the publication of this story. The plot and situations however are mine, and redistribution or duplication without my consent is strictly prohibited.

**Author's Note:** I'm so excited by this. I've figured out the plot and I think it's brilliant. I hope you like it! Leave reviews! And uhm... nothing particular about this one. Special thanks to my awesome beta, **Yoshimara.** I lovez her.

**Warnings: **Sexual reference, THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS, mainly from Crisis Core. I don't think they're anything major and I'm not sure how often they might come up, you've been warned. This takes place five years after Zack's death, ten years after the beginning of events in Crisis Core, and roughly 2 years after Advent Children and 3 after Dirge of Cerberus, because I'm only estimating the the events in FFVII took about a year, since there's no exact time frame. If I'm wrong, feel free to correct me.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

Cloud shook his head, angered and surprised by his own ignorance. There was no way that this man could be his beloved Zack. Zack had died five years ago. Cloud had seen the entire thing, and it had haunted him nearly every night and day. Sure, this stranger sort of looked like Zack, the similarities were there, but there was no way he could _be _Zack.

Cloud stood, walking around the body lying before him. He looked for some means of identification- a scar, a birthmark, a tattoo-_anything_that could help him figure out who this person was, how he had gotten here. He started at the man's feet and found nothing that caught his attention. His lightly tanned skin was blemish free. His eyes lingered on the man's privates, and he flushed a bright red as it seemed somewhat familiar. He had seen Zack nude in the shower – and in many other imaginative places - many times, enough to have a somewhat vague recollection of what it looked like, but he supposed it could have been coincidence.

His eyes traveled the a scar on the mans side, it was thin, long healed and faded probably as much as it would ever fade, and Cloud couldn't help but notice that it looked very similar to two scars that he had himself; one on his stomach, the other on his shoulder. Cloud's heart and stomach dropped simultaneously as he processed this face.

_This… can't be._

Finally, Cloud found himself staring at that peaceful sleeping face. He brushed away the stray lock of black hair that fell onto his face just as Zack's once used to. The feel of it beneath his fingertips reminded him of the many times they had laid in bed together, sharing innocent touches, and Cloud felt the pain of loss sting him again. When he looked, paid attention, focused on more than just the hair and the small scar on his forehead, he found his knuckles tracing along his cheek, and then he saw the scar there.

That cross-shaped scar was unmistakable.

Cloud felt both joy and fear surge in his heart, and he knew there was only one way to be sure.

"Z-Zack?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Z-Zack?"

He heard a voice, somewhere off in the distance, but ignored it. Sleeping felt too good.

'_Sleep?'_

"_Zack, it's time to wake up,"_he heard a sweet woman's voice cajoling him. "Waaakkeee up!"

'_That voice sounds… so familiar. __Who is she?'_

The foggy whiteness that had encased his mind and clouded his vision disappeared. He blinked, staring into darkness for quite some time before he realized that there was more to see. He wasn't sure how he did it, what he was doing, but he managed to find the sight of someone, something in front of him.

"Unghh…"

Did that sound come from him? He wasn't even sure who he was.

His vision jumped from place to place until it finally stilled, staring into someone's face.

Their eyes met.

The stranger before him gasped, a large intake of breath, and in seconds trembling hands were cradling him, touching and soothing him and he couldn't help but fall back asleep.

'_Who is that man?'_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He had tried to pass everything off as coincidence, tried to ignore the nagging feeling that insisted that the man before him_was_Zack, whether it made sense or not. But once those long lashes parted…

Those eyes. He could never forget them.

They had told him everything.

He reached out to hold him, to pull him into his arms and draw him close, the shock too far off in his list of priorities to register at the moment. Those eyes fell closed again, and Cloud panicked, frantically searching for a pulse. Finding one, he relaxed, smiling and laughing as tears rolled down his face. Stoic Cloud, the one who did his best to keep his emotions at bay, had never thought he could feel so much at once.

Cloud wasn't sure what he should do, where he should go, but the night was cold and the sun would be rising soon, and with it, the people of Edge. He had to move quickly if he wanted to get Zack somewhere safe before anyone saw them.

He lifted the heavy body, and placed it in front of him on Fenrir. He sat, positioned Zack's head on his chest, and drove off, driving as fast as he could and wondering what to do next. He wasn't sure what to do, where to go, but he figured back to the 7thHeaven was his best bet for now.

Cloud was relieved by how quickly the ride to the 7thHeaven passed. He had managed to get them back just as the first rays on sun began to light the sky. Bringing the bike to a complete stop, he grunted as he hefted Zack's weight onto his right shoulder, walking the small distance to the door with careful steps. He approached the door, took a deep breath, and pushed it open with his free hand.

He stood for a moment, listening for anysignsof movement in the building. He had assumed that Tifa would be up, getting the kids ready for school, ironing clothes and packing lunches. The thought made him nervous. He would never forgive himself if Marlene ended up seeing a naked man in the house. He was certain Barret wouldn't forgive him, either. Figuring his bedroom was the safest place to put Zack for the time being, he began to make his way up the stairs quietly, although he couldn't do much to help the sounds of struggle as he did his best to step upwards while the weight on his shoulders threatened to pull him down.

Just as Cloud had reached the top of the stairs, he heard a slight shuffling and some murmuring coming from just down the hall. He wasn't at all surprised to find Tifa, robe wrapped around her, making her way out of the room. The sight that she found caused her eyes to go wide in shock and her eyebrows to furrow in confusion. She took her attention away from the naked man in Cloud's arms and instead looked Cloud in the face, demanding some kind of explanation. Cloud understood her shock, because he still hadn't managed to get over his own. What could he say to explain this? He just looked at her, an exhausted look in his eyes as he began to trudge his way to his bedroom, the small gesture an invitation for Tifa to follow.

She waited by the doorway as Cloud leaned down and placed the sleeping man onto his bed before modestly covering him in a heavy quilt, since the man shook from the night's chill. He turned back, and Tifa took a small step into the room.

"Cloud?"

Cloud hung his head for a moment, trembling hands reaching up to run unsteady fingers through his hair, his expression a mixture of frustration and confusion. He sighed, looking up at her in a desperation she couldn't understand, not without knowing what was going on, without knowing how confused he felt.

"Come," Cloud beckoned in a small voice. "Look at him."

Tifa inched her way to the bed cautiously, standing by the mans head. She looked at him, her brows knitting in concentration as she observed him carefully.

"He looks... familiar." She nodded, as though she were affirming it to herself.

"Pay attention," Cloud commanded, walking to the opposite side of the bed, kneeling down just enough to bring his lips close to the mans ears. "Zack?"

Tifa's heart sunk at his words. She had seen Cloud grieve, witnessed him suffer everyday for his lost love, but she had never seen him get this bad. He had seemed to be doing better lately, with the children around, busying himself with deliveries. How had he managed to lapse into delusions?

"Cloud-"

She was interrupted by Cloud shushing her, kneeling down and speaking a little louder.

"Zack? Wake up," Cloud pleaded.

The man stirred, jerking strangely in his sleep, before his eyes shot open. Bright blue eyes moved erratically, unable to focus on anything, but they were there, still visible to the two people who occupied the room. The effort of waking, of trying to adjust his eyes to what surrounded him proved to be too much as the mans eyes fell closed with a shuddering breath of exhaustion, and he was still again.

Tifa clasped her hands over her mouth, gasping audibly at the sight. Her eyes, wide with shock and apprehension, darted between the sleeping man and Cloud, who looked somewhere near breaking down in tears and having a complete mental breakdown.

"This… can't be!" Tifa exclaimed.

"I… don't know what to do," Cloud admitted, and he did his best to still his hands that continued to tremble.

"He doesn't look well," Tifa commented. "I think he needs to see a doctor."

"A doctor?" Cloud's face was stern, and in the next second he exploded. "How the hell do I bring him to a doctor? How am I supposed to explain that I saw him_die_five years ago, and all of a sudden he's back and won't wake up?"

Tifa took a few steps backward, frightened by Cloud's anger and yelling.

"The children," she warned. "You'll wake them."

Cloud hung his head, this time in shame for not controlling himself. He sighed, defeated.

"He's here again," Cloud's voice broke with emotion, with the tears that threatened to fall. "He's here and I still don't know how to help him."

Tifa's heart ached for her childhood friend, the pain in his voice so evident. Losing Zack had been the worst thing that had ever happened to him. It had nearly destroyed him. To lose Aerith less than a year later had been another devastating blow;the cruelty of the world, the cruelty of destiny too much to bear. The weight on his shoulders was heavy, Tifa understood. Two people that he had cared about, two people he had loved had lost their lives by his side. He had lost too much, but losing Zack, the only one who had ever broke through Cloud's defenses enough to be loved in return by the shy, awkward teen, had changed him forever. He was never the same.

"I have an idea," Tifa spoke carefully. "I have connections."

Cloud understood. One nod of his head and Tifa was leaving the room, heading downstairs in search of the phone. He stood, looking at Zack for a long time, feeling useless, unable to suppress the thought…

_It should have been me…_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The phone rang. Four, five, six times.

"Hello?"

Tifa was overcome with relief at the sound of the deep, collect voice on the phone.

"I need a favor," Tifa said, immediately working on the task at hand. "I need a doctor."

"Why not go to a hospital?"

"This is... different," she tried to explain without giving too much away. "We have someone here who needs to see a doctor. The hospital is too public. We need something private."

The person on the other line stood silent for a while.

"I'm on a mission right now. My partner and I can be back in two hours. That's the best I can do."

Tifa sighed. Another two hours could make all the difference in the world, but for now, the man upstairs just seemed tired. Only able to imagine what had happened to bring him back here in the first place, she couldn't blame him.

"Two hours sounds fine. Thanks, Rude."

She didn't wait for a response, shrugging as she heard the click of the man hanging up. Why didn't anyone who worked for ShinRa ever say goodbye?

She made her way up the stairs quickly to deliver her message. Cloud stood in the same spot she had left him, staring at a sleeping Zack helplessly.

"I got us some help," she spoke from the doorway. "They'll be here in about two hours. You should rest until then."

Cloud declined, a single shake of his head.

"I know it's hard, but you won't do him any good when you pass out from exhaustion. If it makes you feel better, I'll keep an eye on him while you rest," she offered, hoping that for once Cloud would stop being so hardheaded and just do as he was told. "I can bring in the recliner for you."

Cloud stood there for a moment. He gave a hesitant nod.

"Okay. Be right back."

A few moments later, Tifa pushed the reclining chair into the room, setting it right next to the bed, so Cloud could stay close to Zack. She held a pillow and a light sheet, tucked under her arm, and offered them to Cloud, who took them silently. She pulled him in for a hug, smiled at him in sympathy, caring, understanding; she wasn't sure.

Cloud stood for a moment longer, before sitting down onto the chair. It only took minutes before his eyelids felt heavy and were increasingly harder to keep open each time he blinked. He didn't want to sleep, didn't want to leave Zack alone, but something in the back of his mind told him to close his eyes and drift off.

Within five minutes, Cloud was fast asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters used in this story. They belong to Square Enix and all other respective owners. I make no profit from the publication of this story. The plot and situations however are mine, and redistribution or duplication without my consent is strictly prohibited.

**Author's Note:** Another chapter. I'm not quite sure how quickly I'll update after this. Even though I'm updating so quickly it's mostly driven by excitement. But these take so long for me to write and so much effort because I'm being a perfectionist about it. Because I'm putting so much effort into this being as good as it can be, I'd appreciate reviews. The fact that so many of you are adding me to your Alerts and Fav's are great, but reviews really are a writer's greatest tool. Subscribing doesn't tell me how you think, what you're anticipating, how you feel my writing is. So please review? Again, thanks to my wonderful beta!

**Warnings:**No real warnings. THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS, mainly from Crisis Core. I don't think they're anything major and I'm not sure how often they might come up, you've been warned. This takes place five years after Zack's death, ten years after the beginning of events in Crisis Core, and roughly 2 years after Advent Children and 3 after Dirge of Cerberus, because I'm only estimating the the events in FFVII took about a year, since there's no exact time frame. If I'm wrong, feel free to correct me.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

_Everything was white. _

_Everywhere he looked was nothing but a blank whiteness. __It was oddly peaceful but at the same time it was suffocating. __He continued to look around, and for a while, he saw nothing. __Finally, something appeared, materializing out of nowhere before him. _

_A familiar field of blossoms appeared before him, and with each step he took, the path of flowers continued almost endlessly. __He continued his movements, the flowers defenseless under the fall of his heavy boots, and heard them squish beneath his footsteps. __Everything that had been covered in white moments ago was now replaced by flowers._

"_Hey!" __A gentle voice scolded him teasingly. __"Don't step on the flowers!"_

_He turned around. __Aerith stood before him, smiling tenderly at him, her hands clasped in front of her. _

"_They're everywhere. __How can I not step on them?" __Cloud thought it was a pointless question, but he couldn't stop himself from asking._

_The girl smiled and neglected to answer his question. __Cloud sighed._

"_I haven't seen you in a long time," Cloud began. __"I'm lost. __I guess that's why you're here, right?"_

_She nodded slowly._

"_I've missed him," Cloud admitted. __"I… always hoped to see him again. __But… I never thought it'd be like this. __Was it you?"_

_She nodded again; intelligent green eyes seemed to peer into his soul, detecting his hurt and pain._

"_Why?" __The question escaped Cloud before he was even aware he'd said anything._

"_Because I love you," Aerith answered truthfully. __"Because I love him."_

_The answer didn't do much to comfort him. __In fact, it only served to confuse him further._

"_What happens now?"_

_Aerith swung around, turning away from him. __She let her gaze fall, staring at the flowers absently._

"_What happens next is up to you Cloud," she spoke softly before turning to face him. __"Can I ask you something?"_

_A nod._

"_What matters most you?" __Aerith inquired, her voice carrying a tone he couldn't quite identify. __"Your happiness, or Zack's?"_

_Cloud didn't even take time to think. __The answer left him automatically._

"_Zack's, of cour-"_

"_Don't answer without thinking, Cloud. __Whose suffering is most important to you? __His? __Or your own?"_

_Her words were cryptic, and they worried Cloud. __Happiness and pain did not go together well. __No matter what happened, all he'd ever want was for Zack to happy; all he'd ever hope for was for Zack to never experience pain again._

"_There are two options," she began, and Cloud listened intently. __"I can restore Zack's body, or I can restore his mind."_

"_I… I don't understand."_

_She waved her hand in an absent-minded fashion, and a vision appeared before Cloud. Zack standing alone, crying. __Zack sleeping, tossing and turning and tormented by nightmares. __Zack lying in bed awake, screaming at pain that wracked his body and never went away. __Cloud couldn't help it as a tear began to make its way down his face._

"_If I restore his mind," Aerith began, "He will remember everything. __But he'll remember more than just you or the love you shared. __He'll remember all the pain of his past life; all he lost, all that happened on those days. __He'll remember his death… and it will haunt him."_

_She sighed sadly._

"_His personality will remain intact, and he'll still have his memories, but I won't be able to heal his body. __Not completely, anyway."_

"_What do you mean?" __Cloud asked, his voice and body both trembling with fear. _

"_He will have good days," Aerith responded. __"But he will also have really bad days. __Days when the pain is too much to bear. __All the damage his body received on that day, it will cripple him mentally and physically. __There will be days when he will beg for the pain to end; days he'll beg for his life to end, and that wouldn't be possible. __Not naturally, at least."_

_A strangled sob left Cloud, but words did not. __He did nothing but listen. __Aerith continued on._

"_If I restore his body, he'll be completely healthy. __There will be absolutely no physical damage. __But his memory will be gone. __He'll be a child living in an adult's body. __He'll have to learn everything over again- how to read, how to talk- and even then, there's a chance he won't remember you and the love you shared. __There's even a chance that he might not be Zack anymore."_

_She turned around to face him, staring into his eyes so intensely that Cloud felt himself taking a few steps backward._

"_So, Cloud? __If I restore his mind, he will suffer, but you will still have his love, and that will make you happy," she paused for a moment. __"If I restore his body, he won't suffer, but there's a chance you might lose him forever. __Choose wisely."_

_With that, she began to walk away. __Cloud was surprised to find himself shaking with rage and anger, and he couldn't control himself as he screamed after her._

"_Aerith! __Why did you do this?" His voice was broken by sobs. __"Why didn't you leave him here w__h__ere he wouldn't have to suffer? __Why wouldn't you just bring me here, instead?"_

_She turned back, her expression sad and her eyes troubled. _

"_He did suffer, Cloud," Aerith said sadly. __"But the sadness here is different than yours. __You spent these last five years counting the days until you could join Zack in the Lifestream, to end your sadness, didn't you?"_

_Cloud was surprised that she knew of those thoughts, those dark thoughts he had tried to banish. __It never worked; his heart always ached in sadness. __If no one depended on him, if his friends hadn't done their best to care for him, he wouldn't have stayed. __He nodded in response._

"_Here, there was no end to Zack's suffering. __The last thing he wanted was for you to join him here, after everything he had done to save your life. __He loved you too much to be selfish. __And so, Zack's sadness never ended. __Never would have."_

_And even thought it was hard to accept, he understood._

"_Cloud," Aerith moved closer to him, grabbing his hands in hers. __They felt surprisingly warm. __"There is a chance that this won't work. __A chance that this will make you both suffer. __That chance is greater than I'm willing to acknowledge."_

_Her saddened expression turned into a loving smile as she looked into beautiful blue eyes. _

"_But there's still a small chance that you can find happiness. __And I thought that small chance at seeing you both happy again was worth the risk. __I'll do everything I can to help you."_

_Cloud was surprised to find himself smiling gratefully. __He finally understood why Aerith had done this for him._

"_Restore his body," Cloud said in a low voice. __"I can't watch him in pain anymore. __I'll help him learn. __I'll do everything I can… so he can remember. __I'll earn his love again, if I have to."_

_Her hands reached up, ruffling blond spikes playfully._

"_You can do it!" __She cheered happily. __"I know you can."_

_She moved away slowly, turning from him and walking away._

"_Aerith?" __His voice was quiet, but she managed to hear and stopped moving away from him, standing at the edge of the flowers. __"Thank you."_

"_Dilly-dally, shilly-shally," she said teasingly, before lifting her hand waving goodbye._

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

Cloud woke up minutes after, his mind still reeling from his dream, if he could even call it a dream. It was real, not a figment of his imagination. He could feel a warm breeze caressing him, comforting him. He smiled knowingly, and stood up slowly.

"Thank you," he whispered into the quiet room, before making his way towards the bed where Zack was still sleeping fitfully.

He reached out, his hands smoothing soft silken hair, something that had only existed in his dreams for the last five years. It felt so good to be able to touch it again.

His was aware of a heavy feeling in his heart, knowing what was to come. He knew what Zack had to endure, knew that his chances were not good, but for the first time in his life since Zack's death, he felt some semblance of hope. Hope for a brighter future, hope that he could finally be happy again. The fates were cruel, he knew that all to well, but he hoped with every ounce of faith he had that things would be different this time. All he wanted was a second chance with Zack, a chance to do things differently and treasure everything. Zack's quirky ways, the embarrassing nicknames, and even the things Zack did that made him mad- he wanted to cherish it all.

Cloud's thoughts were interrupted by a loud banging coming from downstairs. Tifa's help must have arrived. In just minutes, Tifa was beside him, Reno and Rude standing behind her.

"At your service, yo!" Reno called out rather loudly. "Who do we have here?"

He moved in to inspect the man lying in the bed, and Cloud had to concentrate on not beating the man to a bloody pulp for being too close to Zack.

"Looks familiar," Rude commented. "I know I've seen him before."

He knew that there was a lot that needed to be said, a lot of answers to be given, but he didn't feel that he needed to give any answers right now. And especially not to the Turks.

"Are you here to help or what?" Cloud said in a low threatening voice. "Let's get him out of here."

Cloud wrapped Zack in a heavier sheet, and slid his hands under his arms, lifting his front. Rude grabbed the man's feet. The trip downstairs and out to the waiting helicopter was much easier than it had been when Cloud had managed to do it on his own. He laid Zack down in the back of the helicopter, sitting with him and hoping the trip would pass quickly.

Cloud was surprised to find that Reno had set course to Healin Lodge. He was grateful that the two somewhat loyal Turks had managed to pull a few strings in order to help him. The travel there was longer than he had expected, but he was grateful all the same. He was sure that being at the Healin Lodge would do Zack a lot of good.

The doctor was waiting for them, and immediately directed them to a waiting medical room, full of everything he would need to conduct a thorough investigation.

"He won't wake up," Cloud offered a weak explanation. "Can't talk. Isn't moving much."

"Do you know what might have happened to him?" The doctor inquired, his expression serious.

It was a simple question, common procedure, but Cloud found he had no answer that would make sense, would be able to explain that the man before him had died five years ago, and should have been dead then. He shook his head.

"Something neurological is what I'm guessing," the doctor began, moving quickly across the room to a rather large machine. "We'll need to conduct a brain scan."

The doctor placed Zack under the large machine, pressing various buttons. The room was filled with the hum of the large machine as it scanned Zack's brain. The doctor left when he felt he had enough information, looking them over in his office. The four other people in the room stood silent, waiting to hear something. Even the Turks couldn't help but be concerned over how severe the man's condition seemed to be.

The doctor returned within a half hour, his expression grim. Cloud's heart began to beat rapidly in fear.

"There's a lot of damage," the doctor said forwardly, not bothering with any sort of pretexts. If the man was here, he had to have already known something was seriously wrong with the patient. "The parts of his brain that control his memory, movement, and speech are all damaged. But from what I can tell, the damage seems reversible. It will take a lot of intense therapy. The healing process will be very slow."

Cloud nodded in understanding and acceptance. It was just as she said it would be.

"But, there's definitely some brain function occurring," the doctor said, his voice hopeful. "I'd say his prognosis is still unsure, but I'd expect partial, if not full recovery."

With those words, that new feeling of hope in Cloud grew.

_Thank you._

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Reviews would be phenomenal. This chapter was a bit harder than the others. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters used in this story. They belong to Square Enix and all other respective owners. I make no profit from the publication of this story. The plot and situations however are mine, and redistribution or duplication without my consent is strictly prohibited.

**Author's Note:** Watched Advent Children today, again. I was inspired. Please leave reviews! Please? I might cry! Thanks to my wonderful beta!

**Warnings:**No real warnings. THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS, mainly from Crisis Core. I don't think they're anything major and I'm not sure how often they might come up, you've been warned. This takes place five years after Zack's death, ten years after the beginning of events in Crisis Core, and roughly 2 years after Advent Children and 3 after Dirge of Cerberus, because I'm only estimating the the events in FFVII took about a year, since there's no exact time frame. If I'm wrong, feel free to correct me.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

The doctor smiled sympathetically at Cloud before walking away. Cloud didn't want his sympathy. No one had any idea what he was going through, how badly this hurt him. He had done what he thought was best for Zack, what would make him happy, but hearing the amounts of therapy he'd have to endure, knowing that he would have to learn everything all over again made him question his decision. Was it _really_ the right thing to do?

One look at Zack's peaceful and oblivious face was answer enough. Zack may not have been himself yet, but he was certainly not in pain. Sleeping soundly, he was completely untroubled. After all Zack had gone through, the weight that had rested heavily on shoulders, Zack deserved some peace, deserved to know of a world where there was no danger and suffering. He had tried to save Angeal, had tried to save Sephiroth, had tried to save Genesis, and Zack called each of those attempts failures. They weren't failures, Cloud knew. They hadn't wanted his help. But he had managed to save Cloud, sacrificed himself to keep Cloud safe.

Cloud had to be strong. It was his turn to make a sacrifice for Zack. He'd do anything he had to.

Cloud's eyes managed to leave Zack's sleeping face, and he found himself staring at Tifa's sad, worried eyes.

"Don't worry," Cloud tried to console her. "We'll be fine. Go home. The bar should be opening soon, and the kids will be home in a few hours."

Tifa stared at him, searching those sad blue eyes for reassurance, to make sure he was okay. It had been hard, but lately, she had seen the pain in those blue eyes start to fade. It happened slowly, but as he busied himself with the kids and his deliveries, his eyes had begun to shine with life again. Now, they looked so dull and lifeless. Tifa tried to understand, tried to imagine herself in his position, but she couldn't. She had lost a father, lost a friend, but never a lover. She had thought that Zack's return would make Cloud happy, but knowing the road that lie ahead for the both of them, she could imagine Cloud's pain and frustration.

Sighing, she nodded and made her way to the exit, Rude following behind silently, ready to drive her home.

Cloud took a deep breath, shutting his eyes for a moment to calm himself down and control the thoughts that were becoming a jumbled mess in his mind. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to find that Reno was still in the room, standing directly in front of him.

"Why are you still here?" Cloud asked rather angrily. All he wanted right now was to be alone with Zack, to be alone with his thoughts. With Reno around, that was impossible. If he even got five minutes of peace and quiet before the redhead man started rambling about something, it would be a miracle.

"Didn't think I'd be leaving you alone here in Healin, did ya?" He smirked, wagging his finger at Cloud. "No way, yo! Healin belongs to the boss. I have to make sure it's taken care of. And besides…"

Cloud stared at Reno intensely, challenging him.

"I wasn't planning on leaving till I figured out who your _friend _here was," Reno smirked happily, walking until he was only mere inches from Cloud. "I knew he looked familiar, but those eyes…"

Cloud whipped around almost violently, looking back at Zack. He was lying there with those sparkling blues wide open, fixated on the ceiling.

"They're something aren't they? Impossible to forget," Reno's grin faltered for a moment as his expression turned serious. "Sure, every SOLDIER has them, but Zack's were just a little brighter, huh?"

Cloud stared at him and said nothing. He was surprised at how sad Reno sounded, surprised at the concern that edged into his voice. He gave a small nod and looked away when he felt the sting of tears that were threatening to fall.

"I always felt kind of guilty, y'know? For not getting there in time to save Zack," Reno admitted, the usual lilt and sarcasm in his voice gone. "Death happens all the time when you're a Turk, y'know? It's part of the job. But that was different. I wasn't sent to kill someone, I was sent to save him. I let Cissnei down. I let Tseng down. I guess I kind of let you down too, huh Cloud?"

Cloud was certain that if Reno didn't stop talking, he would cry. Instead, he shook his head.

"It wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could do. I… should have been stronger."

"Yeah, right, Cloud. You had friggin' mako-poisoning! You're lucky you even made it out alive. I got one shot of that stuff when I became a Turk, for enhancements and whatever, and I ended up coming to work naked the next day. That stuff's dangerous."

Cloud was surprised when he found that Reno's ridiculous statement had made him smile. He looked up, grateful that the man was offering support and trying his best to comfort him.

"Can I be alone with Zack… for a while?

"Yeah, sure," Reno said, walking away slowly. He stood at the doorway for a moment. "I'll be in the next room. You can stay here all night."

Cloud shut the door behind him, before walking towards Zack's bed. The man was still staring the ceiling, but his eyes were no longer moving rapidly and his vision seemed to be focused.

"Zack?"

He watched as Zack's eyes began to dart around, looking for the source of the noise. He tried not to cry when he saw those eyes staring at him, innocently and confused; the eyes of a lost puppy. He swallowed the large lump that hard formed in his throat and spoke.

"Zack, can you understand me?" He searched Zack's eyes for any sign of understanding, but was met with the same confused stare. "I guess not. That's okay."

Cloud sighed, running his fingers through his hair tiredly. He failed to suppress a yawn as his own exhaustion began to set it.

"Sorry, it's been a long day," Cloud said with a soft smile. He was surprised at how comforting it was to speak to Zack, even if the man couldn't understand. It felt good just to be with him. He found his hand seeking Zack's, and gently entwined Zack's fingers with his own.

Zack's expression changed to one of surprise, the feel of warm skin against his oddly soothing. Cloud was surprised when he felt Zack's grip tighten around his. He smiled happily for the first time since they'd been together.

"You always had such nice hands," Cloud recalled fondly. "Never made sense. With all the fighting you did, I thought you'd have calluses."

Zack's eyes slid closed slowly, the sound of Cloud's voice and the feel of Cloud's warm skin comforting him. Cloud was surprised to see Zack moving slightly, trying to move closer to him.

"One minute," Cloud said, quickly removing his heavy boots and placing them under the bed before he made his way onto the bed with Zack. Zack moved in even closer, seeking the warmth and comfort he found and enjoyed. Cloud wasn't sure whether he should laugh or cry. But he decided that this was a good start, and he might as well enjoy this moment, in case things went wrong. Idle fingers began to stroke Zack's soft, silken hair before they cupped the smooth skin of his cheek.

"Rest, Zack," Cloud whispered soothingly, as Zack's eyes began to flutter shut. "I'll be here."

_I love you._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters used in this story. They belong to Square Enix and all other respective owners. I make no profit from the publication of this story. The plot and situations however are mine, and redistribution or duplication without my consent is strictly prohibited.

**Author's Note:** I dreamed about this. Probably doesn't make any sense but... oh well. When I say 'Nibelheim Plains' I'm referring to that part of CC where you have to shoot all those robots? Does anyone know what that place is _actually_ called? I know that there's a name for it, either on the Map or on a sign somewhere in the area. I'd love you forever if you told me. And special thanks to my wonderful beta, who even wrote a part of this for me because I was failing. She is da bomb!

**Warnings:**Somewhat explicit sexual content in this chapter. THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS, mainly from Crisis Core. I don't think they're anything major and I'm not sure how often they might come up, you've been warned. This takes place five years after Zack's death, ten years after the beginning of events in Crisis Core, and roughly 2 years after Advent Children and 3 after Dirge of Cerberus, because I'm only estimating that the events in FFVII took about a year, since there's no exact time frame. If I'm wrong, feel free to correct me.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

"_You know I love you, right?"_

_Cloud stirred from his comfortable position, lying on the soft green grass of Nibelheim Plains. Come morning, they'd be back on their way towards Nibelheim. Cloud stopped staring at the stars long enough to look into Zack's eyes._

_Were they brighter than the stars?_

"_I know," Cloud replied with a smile. He brought himself to sit upright. "Why?"_

_Zack stood there, looking at Cloud intensely before he shrugged._

"_I guess… Because it's important to tell someone you love them, you know?"_

_Cloud smiled and nodded. He grunted in an effort to push himself off of the ground until he was standing. He gave Zack his hand._

"_Come," Cloud whispered excitedly. "I want to show you something."_

_Zack followed wordlessly as Cloud dragged him over grassy knolls and down the well beaten paths of the plains. They walked for a few minutes, far away from where Sephiroth had set up camp. The sound of their footsteps could be heard as they stepped over the brush._

"_Do you like it, Zack?"_

_Cloud had brought them to his favorite place. They were in a secluded circle of forest, encompassed by tall trees and large bushes; the moonlight just managing to trickle through the leaves of the trees. It was dark, quiet, and intimate- perfect. Cloud looked at Zack, seeking his approval, and couldn't help but smile as he was rewarded with Zack's goofy expression of surprise. _

"_Wow," Zack said in awe, letting out a whistle for dramatic effect. "Nice place."_

_Cloud brought himself close to Zack, his arms encircling the taller man's waist, his cheek resting against Zack's chest. He closed his eyes as he was soothed by the sound of Zack's heart beating, __**beating**__, against his chest. He smiled as Zack leaned down, the barest brush of lips against the top of his head, the feel of Zack's cheek nuzzling his soft hair. _

_Cloud brought his head up, brushing his lips against Zack's. He couldn't help but moan when he felt Zack's tongue nudging his lips persistently, and as they parted, their tongues began to move together passionately. Cloud's trembling hands found their way under Zack's ribbed shirt, the smooth plane of skin soft and warm under his touch._

_They collapsed together on the soft grass, hands fumbling and pulling off offending articles of clothing. Cloud groaned as one of Zack's slender fingers breached him, searching for his prostate. Cloud screamed loudly once Zack had found it. Zack continued to prepare him, adding one more finger, than another, until Cloud was being stretched by three fingers with little resistance. _

_Cloud grimaced as Zack began to push himself in slowly, whispering words of love and encouragement to Cloud all the while. When Zack was fully sheathed inside of Cloud, when they were finally one, Cloud pulled Zack close, bringing his lips to Zack's ear._

"_Zack?" His breath was ragged, his voice already hoarse from screaming; Zack merely grunted in acknowledgement. "When we get back to Midgar… I think I'm ready to move in."_

_It had been something they had been talking about for a while now. Cloud was extremely surprised when only three months into their relationship Zack had brought up the subject of them moving in together. When Zack had asked, Cloud wasn't sure he knew Zack well enough, wasn't sure where their relationship was going. But each day they had spent together brought them closer and closer, and Cloud finally felt secure in their relationship._

_Even in the midst of their passion, Zack couldn't help but flash Cloud that unique grin of his._

"_You mean that, Cloud?" Zack's smile grew wider when Cloud responded with a simple nod of his head. _

_Cloud groaned in surprise when Zack began to thrust into him slowly, the pain nearly nonexistent. Cloud's body tingled in pleasure as Zack's lips wandered everywhere; his neck, his chest, his ears. Cloud wrapped his legs tighter around Zack's waist as he began to thrust harder, faster, searching for the perfect angle to hit Cloud's prostate. He grinned in satisfaction as Cloud let out a distinct scream, knowing he had found it. He stopped only momentarily, an apologetic smile on his face as he lifted Cloud's hips slightly and began to pound Cloud's prostate mercilessly. _

_Cloud wrapped his arms around Zack's neck, clinging tighter as he found himself closer and closer to release. He managed to find the strength to let go, and let his free hand wander between their moving bodies as he grabbed his own length and did his best to stroke it in time with Zack's thrusts. He screamed as he reached his climax, his head falling back against the grass as his body tensed with the intensity of it all. It was only moments later that Zack found his release, his hips jerking as he made a few more shallow thrusts._

_Cloud felt sated- content- and he smiled._

_Behind them, Nibelheim was burning._

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

Cloud woke up with his heart beating rapidly.

He wasn't sure if it was out of pleasure or fear. He guessed that it was a bit of both. While most of the dream was more of a memory, a real moment that he and Zack had shared, the end of it was warped and twisted. The fire hadn't happened that night- in fact, it happened three nights later- and yet, fear continued to grip him. In the end, he supposed it was still the same. Knowing Zack, he would have picked himself up and headed towards Nibelheim to stop the blaze and search for survivors. It was the right thing to do, of course, and Cloud couldn't blame him.

But that fire had destroyed everything. Destroyed his hometown and everything in it; the houses, the people, the very earth on the ground, charred into nothingness. But worst of all, it was the beginning of everything that had destroyed the Cloud Strife of old; destroyed his carefree, happy lifestyle. It had been an omen, the beginning of a series of events that destroyed Cloud's dreams and worst of all, destroyed Cloud's mind.

In the end, everything had been taken away from him. His home, his family, even himself, but especially his first love. Before everything had happened, he was young and naive, but that meant very little. He truly loved Zack; he knew it was more than affection or lust; it transcended any emotion he could name. But after Zack fell to the ground, after he asked Cloud to live for them both, after he smiled that last peaceful smile, Cloud had forgotten him. His mind did the only thing it could to help him carry on- it erased everything. Every memory, every trace of his personality, from the shy fifteen-year-old Infantryman to the damaged, heartbroken twenty-year-old that had been left in his place was gone. He supposed that when Zack died, he had as well.

It took years of struggling, of dealing with the pain and trauma, before he felt like himself again. Even after Sephiroth had shown him the truth, had proven to him that what he believed to be his past was lie, it only opened the door for grief to strike him again. With the truth about his past finally revealed, it only served to remind him of all he had lost. For a while he contemplated his life and wondered if a planet so cruel was even worth saving. His pain consumed him, and he didn't want to be the planets hero.

But it was Sephiroth's fault all of this had happened to them. He was responsible for the death of his mother, the death of Tifa's father. He had destroyed Nibelheim. It was chasing him and trying to defeat him that lead to he and Zack's capture, and the horrendous experiments that followed. It was his fault that Zack had died. The only way to avenge Zack's death, the only way to bring himself closure would be to follow Sephiroth to the depths of hell if he had to, and defeat him.

More than anything, that had been his motivation to defeat Sephiroth and save the planet. It may not have been the right reason, but it was his reason.

Cloud's thoughts were interrupted by a loud groan directly next to him. Sitting up in bed quickly, he looked down at Zack, who was staring up at him with those beautiful blue eyes. His gaze was warm and affectionate, and Cloud couldn't help but smile down at him.

"Sorry Zack," Cloud said as he stretched his arms above his head, bringing his hand down to scratch the back of his neck. "Forgot I wasn't alone. It might take me a while to get used to you being here again. Did you sleep well?"

Knowing Zack couldn't answer; Cloud brought his face closer to Zack's. He looked well rested enough, and didn't look any worse for the wear. He wasn't shivering anymore, which Cloud considered a very good thing. He couldn't help it as his fingers, thrilled by the feel of soft, smooth skin beneath them, began to stroke Zack's cheek tenderly.

"You look pretty good to me," Cloud said in a whisper, his throat feeling tight and his eyes burning with the threat of tears. He swallowed around the tightness in his throat, trying to suppress the urge to cry. He couldn't--_wouldn't_--cry in front of Zack. Yes, he lost a lot of things, but now he could try and start anew. He smiled gently, blinking a couple of times to ease the sting that began to fade at the action. "Definitely looking pretty good, Zack."

The sound of approaching footsteps brought Cloud's attention to the door and he looked over his shoulder to see the doctor had returned. The man's face held a somber look as he peered at the blond then to his companion lying in bed.

"How is he?" the doctor asked, walking farther into the room to stand by Cloud's side and began to examine Zack carefully. Cloud watched his movements like a hawk, making sure that nothing he did would harm him.

"The fever seems to be gone," Cloud stated while the doctor looked into the brunettes' eyes and began to massage some muscles. Just as the doctor was about to speak, a low grumble resounded through the room that made both of them freeze. Their eyes met once the abrupt sound died down and Cloud was the first to break it to look at Zack. Blue eyes widened as the blond realized what that sound had been.

The doctor let out a surprised chuckle as he looked between the two men lying on the bed. The patient's eyes darted around in confusion, searching for the cause of the sound, while the other's eyes were widened in an amusing expression of nervousness and fear.

"I suppose it's about time we bring the patient some food," The doctor said with a kind smile. "I'll have my nurse bring in something to eat."

"What can he eat?" Perhaps it was a stupid question, but Cloud honestly didn't know what Zack could and could not do. It was strange enough to be sitting right next to him and still be alive.

"He can probably eat anything you and I would eat," the doctor began, flipping through the pages of Zack's medical chart. "While he may seem like an infant, he's not. Every part of his body is fully developed, as an adult's should be, except for his brain. If I gave him a steak, he'd be able to digest it without problems, but his brain wouldn't understand what to do with it. His leg muscles are strong enough to support him if he wanted to walk, but his brain doesn't know enough to send the signal to his legs to take a step. Do you understand?"

Cloud nodded slowly, growing increasingly frustrated with the entire situation. The road that lie ahead for both he and Zack was going to be much longer than he had anticipated. At the same time, it was reassuring to know that Zack was capable of having some semblance of a normal life, once his therapies started.

"We'll start him off with something simple- just some oatmeal for today. We'll see how he does. If he does well, then I can give you better instructions once he goes home, most likely tomorrow, if he eats well," the doctor smiled at Cloud reassuringly before looking down at the patient. There was something strange about this man. In all his years of being a doctor, he hadn't seen a case quite like this. Serious brain trauma without any visible injuries? It didn't make sense; the doctor certainly had his reservations. But the blonde man in front of him was one of the strongest men in the world, the hero of the Planet, and it was in his best interest not to ask questions. He shrugged, before moving closer to the bed and pulling the sheets down. "While I'm here, I might as well change his catheter."

It was another thing Cloud hadn't noticed; Zack would have to use the bathroom sometime, and it had never crossed Cloud's mind. There were so many things that he'd need to learn to take care of Zack properly, and the idea of it frightened him. Would he even be able to take care of him correctly? For the second time since Zack had been given back to him Cloud questioned his decision. Had he really done the right thing?

Zack continued to stare at the ceiling blankly as the catheter and bag were changed. The doctor worked quickly, pulling the sheets back over him and adjusting to bed so that Zack was sitting straight enough to eat but reclined enough to not slump over. The nurse arrived moments later with a tray contained a bowl of oatmeal and a glass of orange juice. She handed the bowl of oatmeal and a spoon to Cloud with a friendly smile and carefully placed the tray on the small table beside the bed. Cloud returned the smile gratefully, pleased with her polite bedside manner.

"Well, here goes nothing," Cloud muttered under his breath, dipping the spoon into the warm oatmeal and before lifting it to his lips. He blew on it carefully, making sure that it wasn't too hot, before bringing the spoon to Zack's mouth, which remained shut. The nurse remained by his side, watching carefully as Cloud attempted to feed the man beside him.

"Does he have a name?" Cloud was startled when the nurse finally spoke, her voice calm. Cloud nodded, watching her as she walked around the bed until she was at Zack's side. "I think I can help, but I need to know his name."

"His name is Zack," Cloud said softly after a lengthy internal debate with himself. Something about the nurse told Cloud that she could be trusted.

"Zack?" The nurse said his name soothingly, looking into his startling blue eyes. She wasn't surprised by the man's lack of recognition of his own name; she knew that the more his name was used around him, the sooner he'd recognize it. She brought her hand to his face cautiously, in case he was frightened by touch. When Zack didn't react, she placed her thumb on one cheek and the rest of her fingers on the other, and pulled down carefully.

Cloud couldn't help but chuckle as Zack's mouth hung open, and quickly fed him a spoon of oatmeal. The nurse gently closed his mouth and rubbed his cheek, urging him to swallow. For a moment, the air was heavy with Cloud's anticipation, until it finally happened. Zack swallowed carefully, the food going down without any problems. Cloud smiled in triumph and joy. It might have been something as simple as swallowing food, but it was a victory for both of them, a step in the right direction.

The nurse smiled happily at Cloud, who was busy blowing on another spoon of oatmeal excitedly. But when she looked down at the patient, she couldn't help but let out a gasp of surprise.

In fear, Cloud's head turned in the direction of the nurses stare, and what he saw took his breath away. At first, he couldn't believe it, and blinked a couple of times to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. What he saw was unbelievable, but it was also unmistakable. The corners of Zack's lips were upturned, a small smile on his face.

"Oh, Zack," Cloud's voice interrupted by small chuckles, despite the tears that had managed to escape him. "You always did love to eat."

Zack continued to smile for a few seconds longer before his mouth opened of its own accord, and Cloud gave him another spoonful of oatmeal, smiling so much that his face hurt.

"I guess some things about you will never change."

'_And thank the Gods for that.'_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters used in this story. They belong to Square Enix and all other respective owners. I make no profit from the publication of this story. The plot and situations however are mine, and redistribution or duplication without my consent is strictly prohibited.

**Author's Note:** I took a while to get this out, but not as long as last time, right? I was just lying around on my bed and decided to bring my trusty notebook with me. I just put my pen to paper and this chapter magically came to be. I hope you all enjoy it. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and I sincerely hope you'll continue to review! I love to hear from you.

**Warnings:**THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS **MAJOR** SPOILERS, mainly from Crisis Core. In the previous chapters the spoilers were all minor quotes and small details that those who have not played Crisis Core could easily mistake and perceive as part of the plot of this story or something I've made up entirely. **Not the case in this chapter.** This reveals a lot of the plot from the game and can spoil it for those who have not played it. **If you'd like, feel free to PM me, and I can send you an edited version with less spoilers. **All right, I've warned you- **TREAD CAREFULLY.**

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Breakfast went by smoothly, much to Cloud's delight. It passed without a hitch once Zack had gotten the hang of opening his mouth and swallowing. It was a good sign, the nurse mentioned repeatedly; his good eating behavior guaranteed a quicker discharge from Healin, and was only further proof that his brain wasn't too damaged to function. Cloud sat and smiled elatedly, feeding Zack spoon after spoon of oatmeal until the bowl was empty. Cloud smiled tenderly at Zack's sated expression, and chuckled at the stray glob of oatmeal on his face.

Just as Cloud was about to clean Zack's face, the door to the room swung open abruptly, causing Cloud to jump up in surprise. A flash of red hair was all he saw at first. Reno was easy to recognize- no one on all of Gaia had hair like _that_- but he looked unnervingly suspicious as he merely peeked into the room, merely glancing at its occupants, before turning to his right and saying words that only Cloud's enhanced senses could pick up.

"All clear, Boss."

Those words weren't uncommon for Reno, who used that particular term of authority rather loosely. Upon hearing it, Cloud visibly relaxed, assuming that Tseng had been informed by the loud-mouthed redhead that Zack was alive and at Healin. Tseng and Zack had been strangely close; it wasn't very often that the Turks and SOLDIER worked together, but it was even less often they became friends. Cloud was even somewhat excited at the possibility of seeing Tseng, since he hadn't heard much of him since he was tortured by the Remnants. Before that, he had always considered Tseng an enemy- an evil, coldhearted ShinRa lapdog- but once his mind cleared and sorted through his memories, he knew he was wrong. Tseng had been with them in Modeoheim, struggling up the mountain comically before doing his best to defend Cloud during an attack of Angeal copies.

So when Rufus ShinRa walked into the room indignantly- all golden haired in his pristine white suit- Cloud was more than disappointed. He was absolutely _horrified._ Cloud wasn't even sure what had gone through his mind, it had happened _so fast_, but in moments his posture changed from relaxed to defensive, his heavy blade drawn up in front of his with a loud '_swoosh'_ as it cut through the air. He noted a surprised gasp from the nurse who was still seated on the bed, and managed to check on Zack out of the corner of his eye, only to find him staring blankly at the ceiling, silent and innocently unaware.

Cloud was aware, painfully so, of the meaning behind the name. Just the mention of it was enough to make anyone on the planet wary. Behind the name lie years of history; years full of pain, death, and bloodshed. Perhaps things were different now, but to Cloud, that didn't matter.

The name _Shinra_ was enough to set Cloud on end.

Something inside of him told him to protect Zack, to keep Rufus away from him, because of everything he had gone through at the hands of ShinRa. They had destroyed him, been the cause of everything he had lost, until there was nothing left for Zack at all. Cloud grit his teeth in anger, staring at Rufus intensely. Rufus, the smug bastard that he was, let out a short chuckle, raising his hands as he took a few steps closer to Cloud.

"No need for any of that, Cloud," Rufus said calmly, bringing his hands back down to rest by his side. "I'm hurt, actually. You must know I'm a changed man."

Cloud continued to stare threateningly at Rufus, debating whether he should put his sword down. His thoughts were wild; his memories forcing him to relieve the torture Zack had gone through at the hands of ShinRa, forcing him to protect him, while all logic told him that Rufus _was_ different now. With hesitance, Cloud found himself putting down the sword that had become weighty in his hands. Still apprehensive, he quickly moved back towards Zack's side, trembling hands reaching out to brush stray locks of hair from Zack's face.

"I heard news of Zack's arrival here at Healin," Rufus stated as he made his way to the foot of Zack's hospital bed. He peered at Zack curiously, taking in his appearance and distinctive features. "I thank the Gods for their blessings. It is one more way to make up for the harm my company has caused you, Cloud."

Cloud looked up, surprised to see a look of sadness and regret on Rufus' face. The man was always so poised and confident, but perhaps the sins he committed were ones he was now forced to carry.

"Thank you," Cloud whispered, looking away.

"No need for thanks," Rufus said, sweeping his hand upwards in dismissal. "Healin will always be at your disposal, should you ever need it. It's part of the reason why I've come here, Cloud."

Rufus moved around the room, nearing Cloud before leaning casually against the wall nearby.

"I'd like to help," Rufus began. "I've come here to offer you any service I can to help with Zack's care. I've already decided to give you my wonderful nurse, Caely." Rufus gestured kindly towards the woman who was standing by Zack's side. "She's a wonderful nurse, great with medical care. But she specializes in physical and mental therapies. From what I understand, that's exactly what Zack needs."

Cloud remained silent, although he knew that Rufus was right; a nurse was exactly what he would need to take care of Zack, and the fact that she was an expert in the therapies Zack needed was certainly a plus. Cloud couldn't help but hesitate, wary of Rufus' help and reluctant to accept what he had offered.

"I know you need her help, and I'm willing to give it to you," Rufus' voice trailed off, and Cloud knew he could expect conditions. "If you help me, that is."

Cloud groaned, surprising everyone in the room. He should have known it wouldn't be that simple; nothing was easy with Rufus Shinra.

"Come on, Cloud," Rufus jested. "I'm a business man. I _must_ make a profit from everything. It isn't much I'm asking, though. I just want to make a proposal. Will you listen?"

Cloud nodded hesitantly.

"I'd like you to come work for me. You're reliable, and you can help my company making deliveries. Having you on our side would certainly create a favorable image of New ShinRa," Rufus nodded as he agreed with himself. "In exchange for your work, I will cover the cost of all of Zack's medical bills, living costs, and housing if you so choose. I'll also include a fair salary. It's an incredible deal, Cloud. One that I wouldn't offer to anyone else but you."

Cloud fumed silently. Of course Rufus would have conditions, and it angered Cloud to no end that they were fair. This was certainly an enormous help. Making deliveries was simple work most of the time, and the pay went from little to large amounts of Gil if he chose the right deliveries; a person seeking secrecy and shipping important packages paid plenty, even if those jobs were slightly more dangerous. Medical bills were expensive though, especially for the kind of professional services Cloud wanted Zack to have. If he didn't get good deliveries, which were far and few most of the time, he'd certainly find himself in debt. But working for ShinRa was against everything Cloud believed in- certainly against everything Zack would believe in, if he were able to remember- and even though Rufus was doing his best to turn over a new leaf, Cloud wasn't entirely sure he bought it.

Cloud looked back at Zack, who had since closed his eyes and was now sleeping peacefully. Surely, if Zack ever regained his memories, he would never understand Cloud's decision. He certainly wouldn't trust anything that had to do with ShinRa, would never trust Rufus, and Cloud was afraid of how he would take it. It'd be difficult to explain, Cloud knew that for sure.

"Cloud?" Rufus interrupted Cloud's thoughts, extending his hand for Cloud to shake. "Do you accept? I promise to be a far and sympathetic boss. I think we'll have a lovely time working together."

Cloud grit his teeth, but nonetheless took Rufus' hand in his firm grip and shook it. His blue eyes were darkened in anger, Rufus noticed, but said nothing. Instead, he smiled politely at Cloud, doing his best to ignore the pain as Cloud's hand crushed his own. Finally, Cloud broke his grip and Rufus nonchalantly rubbed his pained hand and stuck it in the pocket of his suit jacket.

"Wonderful. Take this week off to make arrangements for Zack's care," Rufus brought his hand out of his pocket and handed Cloud his card. "If there is anything you need from me during this time, please call my office. If you tell reception who you are, you will be forwarded directly to me. I expect to see you in my office next Monday, at eight o'clock sharp." With a wink and a wave of his hand, Rufus exited the room quietly, leaving a dumbfounded Cloud behind.

Cloud already felt regretful of his decision- would Zack ever forgive him? There was nothing that could be done about it now. He had only done what was necessary to give Zack the best care possible. He had plenty of time to work and give Zack every resource he needed to get better, and that, in the least, made Cloud feel better about the whole situation. He could buy himself time; he would explain this to Zack when the time came. Until then, he had to work hard so that Zack would improve; so Zack could get better.

_That_… was worth any sacrifice.

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**A/N: I know it might seem just a little _too_ convenient that Rufus' nurse specializes in physical and mental therapy... but it seems pretty sensical to me. Because Turks, Rufus, and seemingly anyone they would associate themselves would go through physically trying and mentally debilitating situations and/or injuries. Therefore, I thought it was pretty realistic. You might disagree, but, that's my reasoning behind it.**


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